Tag Archive | protection

Deep Listening, Deep Seeing

DesertDawnSky081114Rainstorm! Thunder! Lightening!

Across the night sky my heart was beating and I heard it in Her voice at play among the clouds in our union. My body in bed relaxed into the moments; whisked away to the inky infinite I was at peace, serenity of mind and body attuned to the symphony held among the stars tossing themselves across the expanse as they danced in a lacy play of cosmological badminton.

A breezy, cool 70 degrees welcomed me on an early walk as the clouds created a soft batting above and I could look directly at the dawning sun — we beamed at each other while the hills were a splendor of rust and emerald, rock and plant. In the opposite distance, the western horizon was blinking itself awake with half-closed eyes in wrinkled pink and violet. 

The air was, and is still, heavy with suspended silken water that absorbs into my skin and, deeper, into my cells — I am fluid, flexible, bending like the slender hop seed branches. The Santa Cruz River is flowing, there are puddles in the Sonoran Desert, and I am full in our Oneness — a well-spring opened.

Solitary, I sit outside sipping chai — no dogs are with me for, being a weekend, they would bark at any noise in the neighborhood. This is part of my new practice of growing a deeper silence: a few moments of only background noise so that the space around me heals, my aura can feel itself gently pulsing, and I can feel me — alone. To grow, breathe, Be in a state of solitude and learn to relish this quiet separation that mysteriously creates total union with all life. A solitary bee is buzzing near my head, off on its own private adventure this morning while a bird flies overhead, cawing — not a crow, a gray bird who seems a little frantic, searching.

I didn’t even hold my usual indoor sadhana … this moment called for me to be in the outdoors, sitting, listening, Being. The thickened air holds scents more firmly and I know the plenitude of dogs in the area by smell as well as sound, one sense that normally doesn’t alert me to their presence since the usual aridness desiccates droppings rapidly. 

I lightly brush the soles of my feet upon the still-damp sandstone, feeling its softness, and wonder how far it traveled to be here; does it miss its first home? The sandstone — sandpaper-like against the calluses on my feet — breathes, I can imagine the space between the particles where the granules are splashing in puddles like happy grubby children and a subtle melody, a lullaby, whispers itself into existence unheard except by otherly realms found in fables. While walking earlier, my husband pointed out a rock formation upon a nearby hill — a giant turtle rock. The hills are a bounty of shapes and sizes; a little imagination goes a long way. 

My husband rescued (with permission) abandoned rocks from the shelves of the basement at his office, and they are excited to be out in the elements again, once more soaking up the rain and reflecting the sun and feeling the wind whip around their jagged faces. Liberation! 

RockFaceA rock face guards the agave, his solemn expression reminding me of Easter Island giants or totem pole alchemists shapeshifting. His chin is jade green, his lip line thin and stoic beneath a recessed granite nose, broad and sensing all that goes on around him. Green appears painted around deep-set eyes beneath his broad gray brow. His inner cheeks are rusty brown from too much sun as he holds the space around him in safety. What are the minerals called that he reveals in such solid presence?

I had felt the coyotes watching us during our morning walk; they were safely hidden among the wild buffer zone of mesquite and palo verde and cholla. Motionless, they were undetectable by weak human eyes so I only knew them through feeling their eyes upon us, that prickle on the back of the neck; one that could have been a vibration of past presence, who knows for sure. It doesn’t matter because at least I know they are out there, still stalking, breathing, Being. If I were to stand barefoot on the sand atop the packed earthen ‘concrete’ — the hard caliche of the desert floor — could I feel their paws trotting miles away? Does the dense earth of desert pavement carry their vibrations like the stampede of buffalo were heard miles away by placing one’s ear next to the plains grasses on ground that held the sounds of all life, all movement, back to the beginning of time? 

Is Gaia’s body a chamber of resonance across time and space? We talk of a Field “out there” somewhere, but what about the Field of pure awareness that holds the recordings of all manifest form archived within Her veins, cells, tissue and organs? 

Do our rescued rocks, now reconnected with the skin of Mother Earth, speak of their adventures and send their memories into the chamber of knowledge beneath my feet? 

3RocksEach rock has its own forgotten story of excavation, transport, experimentation, and entombment. A story that is a mere blink, but each one unique. In the palest of sage green coloring, a mere blush of elegant residue, the pyramid stone casts healing rays around the yard, its edges rough yet kind, an ancient symbol of masculine principle transformed into healing the wounds of patriarchal ignorance. Three huge guardians, each of different origin, bump shoulders in a corner: green, brown, gray … they anchor us here, determination and courage in their unearthed exposure reminding me that home is wherever I desire it to be, it’s where love is. To go visiting for nourishment and expansion is wonderful … but my human-rock, my Beloved, is here. He, like the boulders, anchors me in safety wherever I am. 

This is our story … rain, desert, rocks … all Beings.


Bears ringing in my ears, voices strong and growling out the fierce love of Pachamama. Bears lumbering up and down my spine leaving imprints of claws on tips of toes that dig in to say “we are here,” puncturing the surface of ignorance. Bears flipping rainbow trout out of the icy shards of red rivers within. Bears rolling down the greening hills in playful abandon with new cubs, new life, breath fresh from cave hibernation. ROAR! JOY! Buddha bears with full round bellies ripe and gestating love. Bears pull aside the rotting trunk of a long ago tree to find the precious nourishment of grubs that others would turn away from.

Bears visiting one who is unfamiliar with them though I honor their magnificence. Bears with their thick fur and thicker skin and thicker-still layers of fat to live upon while dreaming the world into new possibility. She is Bear … and I welcome Her presence, a special gift this morning, unexpected following an exhausted deep sleep.

Bears dipping into honey for sustenance sweet and delicate, hours spent licking the soma from long claws while bees hurry to make more that would be wasted without the bears to partake. Bears stretching high to leave marks in silent woods of solitude. Bears of great hunched shoulders and broad hips and feet so wide the river narrows to go between and around the presence that show the way inside to the starry center of mystery.Bear Statue

“Go traveling with us!”

Her travels daily be

By routes of ecstasy

To Evening’s Sea— 

(Emily Dickinson)

Bear journeys far and near, footprints to follow, until night falls and She becomes the overhead infinite expanse of indigo sea that twinkles merrily into Milky Way and Aurora’s curtains upon Bear’s face raised, nose twitching, shifting weight back and forth in rhythmic dance to the pulsing ocean above. Feel Her?

Bear is our mother and she loves, protects, teaches, sets us free among the ecstasy of life paths, every step a full measure of space in entrance to the next as we hold her paw in our hearts. My foot disappears into the mud where she once was and I am enveloped by her.

An early connection to Bear was the statue I sculpted in a class many years ago. Yet I hear her this morning and feel her within me lending her strength, assurance, confidence. We both den and hibernate, enjoy solitude and caring for our young, lumber along hidden trails through forest groves tasting the sweetness we discover along the way, and fall into slumber as worship. My knowledge of Bear is little but her wisdom is great and I feel her presence now; I open to her chuffs and grunts that echo in my heart-forest. We clasp our round bellies … and breathe into journey, into ecstasy, into infinite sea that shines before us, a dark oval without stars our portal into deeper peace and renewal.

Hiking to the summit pales compared to trekking deep into the cavernous infinite where luminous algae softens vision and satin-damp walls invite and offer caress, brushing our fur, our skin, with the moisture of remembered creation. A subterranean sea calls to us and we plod along together toward the unknown flotilla of sleep with eager heart and patient pace and serenity upon face.

Bear stands on her hind feet and wraps her limbs around me; I disappear into her fur-cloak where no separation exists, and when we move together all the world has settled above us.


The above was a stream of consciousness flow this morning that I simply followed. At one point, during a pause, I opened at random to an Emily Dickinson poem. I love how it seemed to fit with the mood of the writing.