Tag Archive | form

Deep Listening, Deep Seeing

DesertDawnSky081114Rainstorm! Thunder! Lightening!

Across the night sky my heart was beating and I heard it in Her voice at play among the clouds in our union. My body in bed relaxed into the moments; whisked away to the inky infinite I was at peace, serenity of mind and body attuned to the symphony held among the stars tossing themselves across the expanse as they danced in a lacy play of cosmological badminton.

A breezy, cool 70 degrees welcomed me on an early walk as the clouds created a soft batting above and I could look directly at the dawning sun — we beamed at each other while the hills were a splendor of rust and emerald, rock and plant. In the opposite distance, the western horizon was blinking itself awake with half-closed eyes in wrinkled pink and violet. 

The air was, and is still, heavy with suspended silken water that absorbs into my skin and, deeper, into my cells — I am fluid, flexible, bending like the slender hop seed branches. The Santa Cruz River is flowing, there are puddles in the Sonoran Desert, and I am full in our Oneness — a well-spring opened.

Solitary, I sit outside sipping chai — no dogs are with me for, being a weekend, they would bark at any noise in the neighborhood. This is part of my new practice of growing a deeper silence: a few moments of only background noise so that the space around me heals, my aura can feel itself gently pulsing, and I can feel me — alone. To grow, breathe, Be in a state of solitude and learn to relish this quiet separation that mysteriously creates total union with all life. A solitary bee is buzzing near my head, off on its own private adventure this morning while a bird flies overhead, cawing — not a crow, a gray bird who seems a little frantic, searching.

I didn’t even hold my usual indoor sadhana … this moment called for me to be in the outdoors, sitting, listening, Being. The thickened air holds scents more firmly and I know the plenitude of dogs in the area by smell as well as sound, one sense that normally doesn’t alert me to their presence since the usual aridness desiccates droppings rapidly. 

I lightly brush the soles of my feet upon the still-damp sandstone, feeling its softness, and wonder how far it traveled to be here; does it miss its first home? The sandstone — sandpaper-like against the calluses on my feet — breathes, I can imagine the space between the particles where the granules are splashing in puddles like happy grubby children and a subtle melody, a lullaby, whispers itself into existence unheard except by otherly realms found in fables. While walking earlier, my husband pointed out a rock formation upon a nearby hill — a giant turtle rock. The hills are a bounty of shapes and sizes; a little imagination goes a long way. 

My husband rescued (with permission) abandoned rocks from the shelves of the basement at his office, and they are excited to be out in the elements again, once more soaking up the rain and reflecting the sun and feeling the wind whip around their jagged faces. Liberation! 

RockFaceA rock face guards the agave, his solemn expression reminding me of Easter Island giants or totem pole alchemists shapeshifting. His chin is jade green, his lip line thin and stoic beneath a recessed granite nose, broad and sensing all that goes on around him. Green appears painted around deep-set eyes beneath his broad gray brow. His inner cheeks are rusty brown from too much sun as he holds the space around him in safety. What are the minerals called that he reveals in such solid presence?

I had felt the coyotes watching us during our morning walk; they were safely hidden among the wild buffer zone of mesquite and palo verde and cholla. Motionless, they were undetectable by weak human eyes so I only knew them through feeling their eyes upon us, that prickle on the back of the neck; one that could have been a vibration of past presence, who knows for sure. It doesn’t matter because at least I know they are out there, still stalking, breathing, Being. If I were to stand barefoot on the sand atop the packed earthen ‘concrete’ — the hard caliche of the desert floor — could I feel their paws trotting miles away? Does the dense earth of desert pavement carry their vibrations like the stampede of buffalo were heard miles away by placing one’s ear next to the plains grasses on ground that held the sounds of all life, all movement, back to the beginning of time? 

Is Gaia’s body a chamber of resonance across time and space? We talk of a Field “out there” somewhere, but what about the Field of pure awareness that holds the recordings of all manifest form archived within Her veins, cells, tissue and organs? 

Do our rescued rocks, now reconnected with the skin of Mother Earth, speak of their adventures and send their memories into the chamber of knowledge beneath my feet? 

3RocksEach rock has its own forgotten story of excavation, transport, experimentation, and entombment. A story that is a mere blink, but each one unique. In the palest of sage green coloring, a mere blush of elegant residue, the pyramid stone casts healing rays around the yard, its edges rough yet kind, an ancient symbol of masculine principle transformed into healing the wounds of patriarchal ignorance. Three huge guardians, each of different origin, bump shoulders in a corner: green, brown, gray … they anchor us here, determination and courage in their unearthed exposure reminding me that home is wherever I desire it to be, it’s where love is. To go visiting for nourishment and expansion is wonderful … but my human-rock, my Beloved, is here. He, like the boulders, anchors me in safety wherever I am. 

This is our story … rain, desert, rocks … all Beings.


We are the Shakti within our own footsteps.

white sands my feetI am the toes that bend and wriggle and stretch creating a forward/backward balance upon which the solid bone can find dance and play. I am the ball under my big toe that rocks me gently into a step here and skip there, receiving the placement in my world right now yet knows the ability of shifting into a new beginning from soft sand to cool grass that tickles to hard rocks both round and jagged and my feet partake of the blessed planes of standing still and moving. I am the arch, reaching up, reminding my foot that even when I am touching the ground, I am also reaching high to the sky to feel the caress of air and the expanse of space. I am the outer edge that joins front to back in a line of continuity unbreakable when honored and accepted as the connection between disparate sensations and purpose. And I am the heel of trunk that grounds and sends my roots deep into the Soul of Gaia’s womb until our blood flows as One.

With each step, I make an impression and someone else will follow though our gazes may never meet and our fingers never graze the skin of our individuality yet here where my foot was, upon the past impression of another being, coms eventually another and another to infinity in Gaia’s cellular memory. The impression is resonant with what I was thinking and feeling, and I want to leave an impression of love and abiding joy that is deeper than the pen or words, deeper than the weight of this body-temple, deeper than the distractions that cause me or someone else a momentary pain from lack of conscious connection, deeper than the practices that carry my mind to the Infinite within and without, above and below.

It’s the vibrational footprint of love that I want to leave behind whenever I go. Loving Gaia and all beings though my personality may have been less than loving at times. Loving existence though I was fine with going to the next one. Loving each of the precious beings who chose to be with me in my home and out on the walks of inhale and exhale where impressions of others were digested and assimilated. Loving and transforming those impressions through compassion into gorgeous notes left behind upon the sky story of thought and earth story of soul and spaces of spirit that sing to the flowing rivers and lava that give generously to the sustainability of ocean and land.

Could there be a better purpose than to leave an impression of love in the footprint of one’s life?

Gayatri Mantra – Bhargo

Continuing my journey through the Gayatri / GaiaTree Mantra …

Bhargo — definitions or understandings of the actual word/sound are:

light, love, purity, purify, cleanse,

reveal Maya (illusion), allow realization


Our experiences guide us. We are born into the world, into form, and we are intimate with Gaia. She is our very essence of connection yet as we grow, we yearn for worldly experiences as this is our nature and Hers within us. 

Sometimes we hold our souls gently through journey, keeping our center, but mostly we stumble and make strange choices, often falling away from being able to see Divinity right in front of us every moment. Remember. That’s our practice. Recall our Oneness. Not as something to be achieved. Not to compare ourselves to others and how far they are. But just to be present to our own journey knowing She is always shining Her Light of Love … we couldn’t escape it even if we wanted to. To think  we or others have fallen too far to even know the Light is to forget that we already have the Light within us — we are love and only need to recognize Her once more as us. 

Is there such a thing as too much light? A garish intensity can overwhelm and burn right through, revealing so much at once that we are blinded and our skin peels away after being scorched. We may be purified of ego-dominance but at what cost? So little left after the burning that we struggle to wrap bandages around limbs oozing with salve and blood, seeking healing through the pain of too much illumination at once. Yet, with wisdom, guided by Her mysteries, we become accustomed to more and more Light, taking it in and growing stronger with each exposure.

Soak up all the moonlight we want, so gentle and pure, touching softly and with a soothing brushstroke to paint the canvas of our skin with the shadows of leaves and limbs. Night’s creatures gifting us with sound that opens all the pores of heart and soul until we are flooded with cool cleansing luminescence. 

Prisms in the air transform Her sunlight into rainbows that guide us to the spark in our hearts where energy spirals and spins out all the accumulated gunk, sending it flying out of us on a simple exhale. Could it be so simple? Light and Air a revelation of Love? Of course. She doesn’t intend anything to be hard — we create the difficulty on our own.

Light plays upon the water creating whirls and worlds of sparkling essence, enchanting us with its escapades and reminding us to pause in the blessing of right now, to dance upon the shimmering waters of renewal and realization. See how all Her elements hold hands inviting us to see Her in the world? 

Is there light in the Earth? Of course! Light is transformation, Love is transformative, and all earth energy is teeming and gleaming with the process of transformation from our birth to death as we participate in the process of feeding our bodies. How much love do we partake of? Are we conscious of where our food comes from, who labors over its growth, how is it cared for? Choose to bring the Light of Love into the needs of our bodies, the transformative powers of metabolism and assimilation. 

When we allow the veil of illusion to fall away, we see Her Light everywhere and we are naturally drawn to all aspects of healing in Her Light and that includes wanting and opening to bring into our bodies as many impressions and actions of Light as possible. 

When I allow Her Light to come within, then I naturally allow and offer more Light out from myself. There is no need to fear sending out Her Love Light because we are instantly replenished. She is Abundance and Her Light is everywhere … in all the plants and animals and minerals; we are the Light of Love. Once we open our minds and senses to Her infinite abundance we know this. We participate with Her as She purifies with the kiss of a breeze, the hiking of a trail, the snuggles of a dog, the observance of silence in an instant that creates the space into which Her Radiance is All.