Mid-week, at the mere recurring thought of doing a dark moon release in preparation for my pilgrimage, the following began to flow:
Dark moon shadows, fair moon light,
Cast off fears and let go fight.
All resistance fades away
as Dark Moon eats the fears that play
among the telling sounds of voice …
“I have the power. I am the choice.”
“I am the power. I have the choice.”
Sounds of joy fill my heart,
wishing well those fears depart.
All the inner tensions hiding,
release a father’s stern voice chiding,
or worries that my nature is strange …
“Open up, embrace the change!”
Clearly, I am ready and needing to release. While in the midst of morning asanas, I was gently massaging my belly and thinking that I am birthing … before I was gestating but now I am in the throes of labor — birthing a reshaped body, a different elemental landscape-blend of self as I see into the land around me — stark yet full of vigorous life — and I have the opportunity to express myself as I truly am … a guide, a teacher, a healer, one who shares what I’ve learned. And what I’ve learned is valuable. I have survived. My cocoon process has been slower than some but it is my process — so it’s okay. Faith carries me … being present to each moment sustains … creativity and inspiration open visions of future … the past is gone, release it.
Motion calls me, I’m not done,
not by far … I see the Sun
still shining strong within my depths
light the way to each new step.
A phrase or poem pops in when I pause in these reflections, as if mirroring a fairy flitting in and out of existence. That’ show my rhymes have always felt, filled with an innocence of child-like wonder that sees the invisible realms, the inner reality.
I know that the Divine Feminine Yoga Telesummit this past week has been a gift. To listen to other women ‘in circle’ (via webinar) has been wonderful. To feel the abundance of wisdom and experience, the outpouring of love and support — the encouragement to do and be what we truly are — to expand and explore how to express into the world my gifts. Beautiful. And yet, I witnessed some ego responses rise within me as well, and made note of them to understand why. For example, wanting to hear the speakers rather than Laura, and feeling irritation at her interruption of the flow (seeing in those moments also, though, that I was lacking respect for Laura on some level for which I felt shame since she was the facilitator and creator of the event). I also felt a sort of harshness arise in my response to some of the perspectives shared by speakers who emphasized what felt like an aggressive energy; this is not my way, but many who have followed other paths and are different in nature may need this intensity to break free. At the same time, I also felt welcoming and loving to these women, often wanting to reach out and hug and share “me, too!” and/or “deep thanks!” in receptivity and community. There are so many of us — women and innocents — striving within our own unique natures to reach out and help others while concurrently healing ourselves. And that’s so important to remember … our natures of diversity. And to simply glance outside at the plethora of Mother Nature’s diversity is a Divine reminder. We mirror the blends of elements that are infinite variety!
Dark moon shining far away,
and yet I see the Light at play —
not the glare that blinds my sight
but channels of revealing night
vibrate up and down my spine,
quiver all my senses — “Shine!”
I feel affirmations arise in the moment of writing, in this moment of who I am in the present, who I’ve become …
I am strong and perfect just as I am.
I am courageous and wise.
I am woman of experience and child of wonder who revels in both Beauty and Ugliness for the Divine Light of Love’s expression.
I am a compassionate woman.
I care deeply for others yet also care for myself.
I practice self-care and authenticity to be more loving and wise in the world.
I am living in a beautiful, amazing body.
I provide care for this body-temple to carry me through the world doing what I am called to.
I am gifted and know my strengths, and grow my abilities.
I see my weaknesses and hug them with tenderness.
And so, from the above free-flow writing, I created the following simple Dark Moon Ritual:
[Invocation to the Goddess]
I ask this night, with the waning moon in Leo (my own moon sign, according to my chart, though it has always felt very odd and slightly askew), to release into this special black stone my fears, my insecurities, and the criticisms I hear in my head from Dad, for whom I never felt I was ‘enough’ … to release into the stone whatever is holding me back from trying … to release into the stone whatever is preventing me from letting my own unique light shine.
[Repeat the free-flow poetry three times, followed by the affirmations as declaration of the Divine Feminine within]
Afterword: But what is missing in the affirmations? The Mother is there, so is the Crone. Where is the Maiden with her fire and drive and passion and lilting play? See how this ritual became a catharsis in Survival.