Darkness

The presence of the Goddess is echoed above and below and within. She does not hide Her face for all facets are beauty. Even in the dark moments where She is storming against the toxins within her system or the changes we are trying to make to conform her to what we think She should be or look like, She does not deny the chaos from out of which new life grows and transforms.

I hear Her voice echoed above and lift my eyes, my gaze, to see Her there, whether dark clouds or sunny skies. I like to imagine that I am complete when I embrace my dark moments, too.

For we all experience them and either acknowledge them or live in denial that we ever have dark thoughts/moments. Well, maybe some people who are finally far enough along their path no longer experience the darkness in themselves but still they must live amidst those of us who still do. And if we are embarrassed or ashamed of our darkness, where does that leave us in communing with the rest of the world? Do we fear and hate and try to hide the darkness of the manifest world or do we bring it into the light to be healed? When we hide our dark moments from our loved ones out of fear or shame, or perhaps not wanting them to feel our pain, are we not burying a part of them as well and telling them they should hide their dark moments from us? Is not our ‘hiding’ of that part of self a fester that will continue to spread beneath our outer persona like a fungus, touching all our cells and reverberating out into the world like a compression wave of disgrace? Where its tone is echoed above and below and shocks through the people around us like sonar? It seems that for every part of ourselves that is denied or hidden, there is one more stain upon the outer culture skin, spreading like a virus or multiplying like spores that are breathed in and out until we are all infected and re-infected.

We exist in form in duality–this is an illusion of who we really are in Spirit, but it IS the existence of us here and now in the world. Is it not wiser to feel the darkness and then embrace it? Transform it through loving acceptance? Just as we are transformed when we open to the Divine Feminine in all Her glory as she rains and storms, becomes tornado or quake or wildfire?

She is not angry, she is simply doing what is necessary to transform Herself into wholeness. Now, one could think that she is no different than the armies who kill all those who are ‘different’ because of the ‘cleansing’ but it is far and away not the same, not even close, for she feels no hatred or arrogance or disgust–those are human feelings and emotions from the aberrance of separative illusion–and she is simply cleaning house, compassionate toward the losses perhaps but knowing the wisdom of loving the whole first. There is great distance between the destruction of humans and the transformation of Gaia.

And is that where we still have so much to learn? That the whole is more vital than the one? To know that when I am in darkness, the light will always come but it is not ‘better’ than the dark, only different but necessary. There is a certain detachment from these dualities when we find peace in them, perhaps. The dark is not bad, it simply is … no shame in the feeling of it … and when we accept this then the contentment with past and present are echoed above and below and everywhere. To experience the darkness without attaching to it, without denying it or hiding it, allows it to exist in peace and move on just as night turns to day and then back to night. “This too shall pass.”

The concept of detachment does not mean lack of love or compassion, and it does not mean inaction, it means that we can experience a solid or flowing background of peace as we see dark and light come and go as the energies that they are, knowing our power and our limitations as well. In fact, peace–Sattva–is neither light or dark, it is an energy beyond duality that allows us to evolve here and now, not out there, or when we die or when everyone is finally “perfect.”

I feel that the dark moments might in some ways be the most precious from a holistic embrace of my whole self for it is during those times, in hindsight, that grace dances in and partners with the shadows for incredible transformation.

Why so much shame around our darkest moments? Like they aren’t part of us? Like the darkness is not the ‘real’ us? My journals reveal all aspects of myself … from creative to soul-searching to daily angst or joy, to contemplative to pure imagination. Funny, I used to keep the writing separate with a book for this and one for that and now they just all flow together as the complicated messy me that I love — I am the finger painting of a child and the dark storm on the horizon and the Monet and Gaia’s precious gift to Herself.

_____________

This piece was the result of several energies pouring into me … one was the ClarityWorks Online daily writing prompt of “echoed above” holding hands with recent comments about our ‘dark moments’ not being our ‘real’ selves and all swirling in the body-soul of where I was in that particular moment.

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